working out

I was working out this morning and a paraplegic began working out next to me. I have never seen someone in a wheelchair workout in the rec at UAB so I was interested in what he would do. So I, inconspicuously, began to observe him between my sets. He was fearless! Bench-pressing, doing pushups and pull-ups. Watching him this morning somehow made me reflect on how selfish and childish I have been. When I was younger I always would lament on the things that went wrong in my life. But this man who, to me, should have every reason to be upset and mad at the world was not. Instead, he put all of this out his mind and pushed. While I was watching him do pull-ups he slipped and his leg was caught in his wheelchair. I begin to go over to give him some assistant, but when I reached him he was already up. He didn't need any help. He stumble, but was able to handle himself without the assistant of others. "Don't ask for things, if you want something go in get it. Or else you'll never truly own it." This quote came from one of my favorite anime series, Eureka 7. I believe that this quote is a mantra that one could live by. This man didn't accept his situation. He didn't take his lot in life and just bow down. He is fighting the norms and creating someone who is truly unique. I thank this man that I don't know. I thank him for inspiring me to not just accept my lot in life and when I stumble, don't give up and don't look for assistance, just keep pushing through.

I'm sorry I'm just not that into you.

I received a call from my friend yesterday. He told me that he thinks a girl that I liked is interested in him.  I wasn't mad at the fact that she liked him or that he liked her. I did transfer schools, so that gives me no reason to try to hold on to something that was never there. I was upset about what he told me she said earlier in that week. He asked her did she like me. She said she did, but something about me made her iffy about me. She said that I was distant, emotionally distant. That is the reason why she didn't want to pursue a relationship with me. She was scared that she would begin to develop feelings for that and I wouldn't reciprocate. She said that she had gone down that route before and it didn't end well. She grouped me in with these guys that make it a habit to cheat on women. That is not me, and it truly upset me. But this is not the first time that I have heard this. I have been told numerous times that I am emotionally distant. That it seems like I don't really care about anyone but myself. No matter how much I want to say that is truly not me, I have to face facts and the reality of myself. I don't personally invest myself in many people. Not because I think they are not important. I don't invest a lot in people because I am scared to. I am scared to put some part of myself in someone that will not do the same. We learn from our past experiences and I have learned to be weary of many people. Not because of their personal shortcomings but more because of my personal insecurities. I envy those people who can be so open without hesitation. One day soon I hope to be able to do that. But until then Baby Steps!!!