I received a call from my friend yesterday. He told me that he thinks a girl that I liked is interested in him. I wasn't mad at the fact that she liked him or that he liked her. I did transfer schools, so that gives me no reason to try to hold on to something that was never there. I was upset about what he told me she said earlier in that week. He asked her did she like me. She said she did, but something about me made her iffy about me. She said that I was distant, emotionally distant. That is the reason why she didn't want to pursue a relationship with me. She was scared that she would begin to develop feelings for that and I wouldn't reciprocate. She said that she had gone down that route before and it didn't end well. She grouped me in with these guys that make it a habit to cheat on women. That is not me, and it truly upset me. But this is not the first time that I have heard this. I have been told numerous times that I am emotionally distant. That it seems like I don't really care about anyone but myself. No matter how much I want to say that is truly not me, I have to face facts and the reality of myself. I don't personally invest myself in many people. Not because I think they are not important. I don't invest a lot in people because I am scared to. I am scared to put some part of myself in someone that will not do the same. We learn from our past experiences and I have learned to be weary of many people. Not because of their personal shortcomings but more because of my personal insecurities. I envy those people who can be so open without hesitation. One day soon I hope to be able to do that. But until then Baby Steps!!!
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